Low lying guilt

I had been a Christian for most of my life, yet would often feel condemnation for not doing enough in my Christian walk.  I would periodically be overwhelmed with low lying guilt that I was not working hard enough for God.  Particularly, I would feel like I needed to fast to be right with God.  I don't like fasting because it's hard and I like food too much.  Yet for this reason, by doing this difficult thing, I thought I could prove my worthiness to God.  I felt like I could get rid of my guilt by my hard work.

After several years of this struggle, I began to see some of the lies I was believing.  I began to see that Jesus’ death was completely sufficient to establish peace with God, to be right with God.  In fact, Jesus' death was the only thing that could do this.  No amount of effort or sacrifice of my own was sufficient to establish a good standing before God.  As I began to realize the significance of Jesus' death in my place and God's plan to save me by GRACE, I began to find freedom from the low lying guilt I was carrying around.  

As I continued to understand grace and be freed from condemnation, I found myself growing in new and unexpected ways.  Whereas before I was focused on one specific area in my life (fasting) in which I felt I needed to succeed in if I was to keep right with God, now spiritual growth was occurring in many areas all at once and without me really even thinking about it.  Better yet, there was no longer any nagging, underlying guilt about needing to do better or do more; there was now excitement over the ways in which growth was occurring and a desire to continue that growth.

I often hear people talk about the difference between condemnation and conviction.  As Christians, we should not feel any condemnation; we are no longer condemned because Jesus took the punishment and paid the payment that we deserved.  Looking back, I realize that what I experienced for those several years was condemnation (whether it came from my self or from the devil I do not know; probably both).  I am still learning what conviction looks like, but I know now what it does NOT look like.  Growth comes through God both changing our desires and giving us the strength we need.  We are not passive in this process, but we will often be surprised to see the changes God is making in areas we had not thought to focus or work on.